Post 12 – Showing Up and Abandoning Wildly

Michaele AlexanderA Grand Discovery

I showed up as usual in the dark wee hours of the morning to get to work before the rest of the family wakes. Except our cat. He considers it his duty to rise early and “help” with what I am working on. Most useful things such as rub my pen while I am engaged in using it and sitting on my papers, the keyboard and my lap when I want to go do something else.

I showed up to Make Things Happen. I am in the final stretch, in the lead by a nose, the crowd is going wild! Glory and roses in the winner’s circle moments away… My tea was hot and ready.
No matter what I did, I couldn’t help feeling like James Herriot (author, country vet in pre and post WWI Yorkshire) trying to replace a “calf bed” (prolapsed uterine lining) in a cow. Temperamental, tricky, exhausting with a mind of it’s own. In other words, to those uninitiated to his wonderful stories, right when I thought I had the job in hand, out it would slip to the conceptual byre floor, and I’d be worse off than at the start.

At this point you most certainly must be wondering “What is she going on about?”. Well, as soon as I can figure out how to use the email system associated with my website I can open it. I have this morning spent TWO HOURS (I’m okay, really) Actively Not Stressing Out over Hordes, Cubes and Squirrels, redirections, notifications and auto replies. I know intellectually that this is a simple issue. But I can’t yet make it behave in the way I thought it would! I have emailed my webby guy for clarifications but it seems to me as if I’ve just described what it feels like to be drowning to a fish.

I have set myself up with Expectations and should know better. My story of “I am comfy with my old pair of gmail jeans and have chosen to put on this stiff new tog for the occasion and I don’t know how it buttons” isn’t serving me very well.

If I am not comfortable with the situation by the call tomorrow I will be asking (gulp) for help. Not admitting defeat mind you. Just a hand or two to hold as I go out on this new limb. As for now I am going to Abandon Wildly this endeavor and go out into the mountains to work on my photography (and serotonin levels) with my family.

Hope you all are faring well. Thanks for letting me vent.
Hugs, ~ M